The last word
by supernaturalsammy67
Summary: Sam and Dean complete crack, meet two very random ramblers....ghosts, knives, banter and rabbles- random drabbles...pure crack and humour-best for a laugh- written for Courtney hun
1. meet the nutters

**Complete crack, short drabbles of hyped up coffee and coco-pops with a smidgen of banter between sam and Dean when they meet two very strange random rambling girls...something even Dean couldn't win at.**

**Title: The last word**

**Warning: threats and language, no spoilers**

**Disclaimer: yh right..and the pope is my grand-dad and im a rockstar, and the world is triangular...nope don't own em...but if i did, id probably say something stupid and scare them away...like in this fic**

**In honour: of an amazing author and crazed random rambler friend of mine, in dedication of her fabulous ideas and quotes, i hope this makes you laugh Courtney hun, starring Chailyn and me, lol...i know your all 'oohh goood not you', but yeah sorry...hope you all enjoy**

**just a crack at writing crack really ;) drabbly one-shot, short...**

**just an apology for grammer/spelling or any stupid mistakes i make, and Courtney hun, i hope i portray your character well,if i offend you- you can shoot me in the face, i know how funny you really are hehhehe sory if it doesn't do you justice hehe **

**btw guys check out Chailyn's fics- shes an super-cali-frajilistic-exp-ali-dotious writer with a fiery talent, their great fics!**

The last word

"Who do we need to talk to again" Dean swayed, the hangover and sunlight wasn't a good mix. He exited the car with a squeak, Sam followed with a hand full of clutched papers.

"Erm, a Courtney...and a Fiona?" Sam shrugged, flipped through the history and backgrounds before tucking away the papers and headed to the small shop on the corner, to find these two girls on information they knew about a box, a box Bobby nor John could ever understand. And now the next generation had a lead on it.

As they walked up to the counter they overheard said girls coversation and frowned.

"Yeah, I know...the other day I just walked right by the road and slipped on a turtle"

"Oh my, same thing happened to me Courtney, bar a' soap in the living room, who'd have guessed?" they both shrugged casually.

The girl they assumed as 'Courtney' smiled vibrantly, then frowned suddenly.

"What, what is it?" The other girl asked, her common tone british accent borderlying the worry. Fiona then, they guessed.

"I forgot to feed Berty, again!" Courtney sighed.

Before Fiona could respond Dean cut in.

"I'm sure he's ok...what... is...erm... Berty?" Dean coughed.

"He's a flea" Courtney said matter of factly.

Fiona smiled warmly and got up to see to a customer, a man dove his hand into the muffin pile and jumped back to his seat.

"EH!, fred...i've warned you, next time i'll throw a knife at your face" she pointed an jerked her head, glaring.

Sam turned to Dean "Remind yourself not to piss these girls off, please Dean" Sam begged.

"Did fred not pay again?" Courtney stood.

"Nah" Fiona flopped her wrist.

Rubbing a hand over her face Courtney said "Thats it...EVERYBODY OUT!"

The man that referred to 'Fred' fled the shop and it remained eeriliy qiuet, all customers staring.

Courtney sighed.

"Weve poisoned the muffins...there's rats the size of cats, our chef was an undertaker, and this used to be a prision" She said mono-tone-ly and watched the crowd zoom through the open door.

The bell dinged as the final customer fled.

There was a moment of silence between the four.

"Sooo...you like the qiuet?" Dean drawled, he really didn't know who these nut's were...but that Courtney is kinda hot.

_Snap back to focus...the box...info on the box...Sammy can handle the box...look at those legs...thsat smile, those eyes...DEAN, snap out of it, job work case, job work case...job, work case..._

"...Sex"

Dean paled, "What?...excuse me?"

Fiona glanced at the two very nice guy's, "I said, with this job, you don't see half as much sex"

"True, and I used to be a stripper" Courtney posed in a kiss-me pout and the girls giggled.

Dean bit his lip and squeezed his eye's closed, _fight the temptation, fight the urge...but she said stripper!, and sex!...fight it!...but that top, I can see right-_

"Dean?...you okay man?" Sam asked, Dean seemed a little shaky.

"Well I worked in the bar of the strip joint...same thing" Courtney smiled. Dean's knees buckled.

"Whoa...who's a bucket a' jelly today?" Fiona teased as she wiped the counter with a bright blue cloth.

"Hangover..." Dean muttered. He had to keep his feelings in check.

"So whats a' couple ov' chaps like yu'selves doin' down in this 'ere, establishment...what can I get ya'?" Fiona cheered. Sam and Dean recieved steaming mugs of coffee and sat down at the counter, awaiting a promised 'chat'.

"Have you been practising those big words?" Courtney asked, then grinned sneakily.

"Yeah..." Fiona smiled. "Are you the one that nicked my book?" She shook her fist.

"Wondered when you'd notice...but, you can't read can you?" She hesitated.

"No, but me bed was wobbly, simple fix, until you took it...now its like sleeping on ocean waves, I keep thinking long John silver's gonna' rise up and eat me..." She shuddered.

Dean glanced at Sam, _what have we got ourselves into?_

"Sorry boys" Courtney walked up the brothers. "What do you wanna' know?"

"A box, our dad wrote in his journal about some box he came across...held a secret that could end the world...you guys have it, don't you?"

A shied glance at eachother confirmed the suspicians that they definatley had the box, but what was in it?

"We do, but why would you be interested in a box, of that nature?" Courtney leant forward and glared. They weren't getting their hands on it, no one would.

"Hang on...your hunters" Fiona smiled, and hit her head with her hand "I knew it-John's lads"

"Winchester?"

A brotherly nod.

"well ain't that a box full of pea's" Courtney crossed her arms over her chest. "Your dad didn't get the box, neither will you i'm afraid"

"Yeah, and don't bother bringing another ghost on us...we had enough trouble last time" Fiona said dissappearing into the kitchen.

"Ghost?..." The brothers said in unison.

"Last time your dad was here, we had a ghost problem...he hasn't left"

As if on cue, a clatter of pans burst from the kitchen and Fiona's loud yells.

"AW fuck it all!...Never can do anything right can ya'?...bloody ghouls"

"It's still here?" Sam asked calmly. Courtney nodded a sad smile.

"I better go see if Fiona's ok..."

Coming to the kitchen entrance, said Fiona appeared, hair ruffled and face flustered.

"He's done it again!" Fiona shouted.

All three occupants of the diner held their hands out. "What?"

"Broke me bloody pan!" She said slapping her hands on her thighs.

"That's not possible...it's steel isn't it" Courtney stuttered.

"Well he did!" Fiona screamed, holding up half a wooden handle and half the spoken of frying pain, a jagged line down the middle."I'll clonk him with a wok before i'm done!" She stormed back into the kitchen.

Courtney spun around, face ready to burst.

Dean caught on, "The ghost didn't do that to the pan did it?" he chuckled.

Courtney shook her head, face reddening..."No..." She gasped. "hack saw this morning...hahahahahahahahaha" She held an arm around her waist, shrieking now.

Fiona's yells again came from the kitchen.

"I'm gonna' kill her" Another crash of pans. Dean was still laughing when Courtney shrugged.

"I didn't do anything else"

"Who stuck the goldfish on the ceiling????...if I get my heads on your corporeal neck..." Fiona's threats trailed off.

"So what's in the box?" Sam asked, curiosty killing a certain cat and all.

"Can't say" Courtney covered her lips with her palm and blinked innocently. "It's...a...secret" She whispered the last part, slow and well mannered, her smooth pure American tone akin to Dean's smugness.

A large bell chiming three times stopped any conversation.

Fiona and Courtney walked behind the counter and sat on two matching stools.

"The funs about to begin lad's" Fiona winked.

"Might want to take cover, things get a bit tattered..."

The Winchesters were left with confused looks when the first knife flew at Sam's head, and buried itself in the far left wall.

"What the-" A second knife hurtled toward Dean, he felt the swoosh of air as it whizzed by his ear. "Get down!" Dean pulled Sam down and dropped. He noticed Courtney still sat on the twin stools, he grabbed her jean clad leg and yanked her down between the counter and diner area to rest ontop of him for a breif second, eyes meeting. Lushious brown batted at the green jems that twinkled along with that shit-eating grin.

"Erm...ugh..." Dean blushed, her hair flicked around her face, framing it in a waved background, a deep black that made her even skin and soft features speak out to him.

"Wow..." Dean blinked.

Fiona still sat on the stool, unfolding the newspaper and...reading?

"Fiona...get down!" Sam yelled above the crashes in the kitchen and constant knives skimming the counter surface.

A blade snatched the paper she was reading and rested at a vacated booth.

"Fuck it...that was riveting stuff...ducks are in danger" She blanked, face stoic and neutral. How could someone such as these two be so calm in all the danger?

Fiona stood her full height, a large metal spoon swung off a rail and flew right for her.

Resting her hands on her hips, the cutulry passed through the space between elbow and side. "It'll stop in a min'" She checked the clock on the side wall.

The crashes calmed and the knives stopped, the clock ticked and the fly executer buzzed. Was it over?

Sam and Dean carefully stood to their feet, pulling Courtney up with him Dean glanced down. She was just the right height, her head meeting his nose. He smiled, _Finally, someone who fits me...so this is how Sam feels...better than any other girls...they were all taller, or the same...thats just not the way its meant to be...but this...yes._

Dean seemed pre-occupied with Courtney so Sam brushed the dust off his knees and frowned at Fiona.

Before he got a chance to speak one final crash came from the kitchen, a silver seive shot out and clonked Sam with a 'gong' on his temple. He hit the floor with a thud, but righted quickly.

"Ah...ugh...does it have a grudge on me?" Sam asked, feeling for blood, luckily it was just a bump.

"Nawwww..." Fiona drawled. "'Member last guy who got clonked wi' that?...had a nice head, could've put him on me wall like one o' them animals..."

Considering the shocked glances from the brother's Fiona shrugged.

_He did have a nice 'ed...mind you, he was a bit of a prick...pissed off Courtney babes...ooohh I see her n' Dean are seeing things the same...aww she deserves some'at like him..._

Fiona seemed to stare at Dean.

_Nice 'ed n' all._

"Sammy?...you ok?"

"Yeah, I swear standing with you...why is it always me?"

"Must be your head..." Fiona chimed in, all faces drawn to her crazy smile, head cocked and tongue out.

"Well, we gotta' tidy this mess up, that ghost is really starting to get on my last pair of shoes...if I should ever meet the man he was...- his face will be a dartboard not my walls!" Courtney pointed at the indented knives around the diner.

"He doesn't hurt you?" Sam asked.

"Nope...just the mess and...pan breaking" Courtney coughed prurposely.

Dean got an idea.

Wow did I just write that...Dean gettin' an idea, well shiver me timbers!

_Hey, I get idea's...sometimes...occasionally, I always get em'!_

Sure you do...shall I put a little lightbulb over your head and 'ping' it on when your thinking?

_Are we gonna' share this idea or what...hey!...your meant to be writing something...hello?  
_Course then, it would always be dark...you might fall over, I might fall asleep, you'd get nowhere...should we have energy saving, or coloured bulbs-

_MY IDEA PLEASE!_

Oh...yeah, ahem.

Dean grinned in pleasure, "How about we make a deal?"

Sam smiled, he knew where Dean was going with this, he had to admit, smart...in a Dean-cunning sorta' way.

_Dean-cunning sorta' way?...are you insinuating i'm mostly stupid...?_

Your meant to be acting Dean, back to it-

_Your meant to be writing...and supposed to be good...ppffft_

You piss me off enough mate and you can just as easily go on a little trip to the hospital from this diner...two left testicals ok?

_That doesn't even make sense...you can't...you wouldn't..._

Don't have to make sense, i'm the author...it can happen... and it'll hurt...got it?

_...ugh...my idea..._

"What are you gettin' at?" Fiona said.

"We get rid of your pesky little ghost...and you give us the box" Dean said, smiling at Courtney.

"mmmmm...I dunno, you can't _have _the box, you can learn the secret, see it?" Courtney said, dark eyelashes batting, face pulling into a smile.

Fiona pressed her nose to Courtneys ear, turning they were nose to nose. "Are you nuts?" Fiona frowned. "They can't see it, they won't understand"

"make us" Dean grinned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestivley. Courtney giggled.

"Am I the only bird between you penguins?" Fiona blurted.

"Actually, penguin by species and background are considered to be part of the bird family" Sam said.

"Dogs have webbed feet...their not birds" Fiona crossed her arms over her chest.

Sam couldn't help the light laugh, he could tell Fiona was joking but...something about her made him think she meant that.

"Yeah but dogs have fur, their in the mammal-"

"let it go!" She yelled. "Gaaawd. Djins give fractioned realities using their prey to feed off, its like a jinx curse and the person has to break out of it themselves, willpower breaks the curse...You can by all means go on for hours to them about mammals and birds and backgrounds" At Sam's shocked expression she added. "I may seem dumb, but I know me stuff" She tapped the side of her nose. "I had a dream i was a yeti the other night..." She frowned and walked back into the kitchen.

"Genious's start somewhere..." Courtney smiled.

"Sammy got talked down...hahahhaha" Dean snickered and punched Sam lightly.

"Huh...interesting topic of conversation..." Sam honestly was speechless, Dean found it hilarious.

"Yeah, we hunted a yeti once...she swore it stole a fruitcake..." Courtney thumbed to the kitchen. "Caught on the back of a bus, it wouldn't let go...turned out to be my uncle Dan, hairy fella...he never did forgive Fiona"

"Why?" Dean asked, the 'box' issue dropped for now.

"She shot him"

Both Winchester's hiccupped a laugh.

"For god's sake!...fuck off!...ya' little shit, you will steal my spatula!" The thin walls didn't block out the screams in the kitchen. "GIVE IT BACK!...i'll egg ya'"

A white spatula spat from the kitchen door to shoot through a double pained window, and alerting a car alarm outside.

"Stupid ghost, it's a menace" Courtney sighed. "and now she'll be pissed as a blue monkey"

As told Fiona exited the kitchen, saw the window and huffed. "Ya' know what?...we'll tell you the secret, just get rid of that dipshit ghost!"

Dean smiled.

_ha ha ha haaa, Yahtzee!_

yeah, this one worked...lucky you.

_I'm happy, just write!_

Suddenly a muffled ring-ring echoed in the small diner, all occupants looked around.

Walking up to the fridge, Courtney opened the door and the ring got louder, she picked up the mobile "This yours?"

All guests shook their heads so Courtney answered.

"What?...yeah this not her...i'm an answering machine...yeah I called...then you must've called...ok...no...your next to ice cubes and pasta next week...sure...no never...always...you bet...all your money will be wired into my account by yesterday..." She hung up and put the phone back in the fridge.

"Who was it Court?"

"Dunno'...she seemed a bit afraid" both girls shrugged casually again.

"Does this always happen to you two?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, mostly" They replied.

"So you can get rid of cherpy round 'ere?" Fiona asked.

"Yes, then you show us the box and were settled"

"Deal" they all shook on it.

Nothing worked, the chants, a cleansing, even tried an exorcism and dousing the store in holy water, with protective charms and symbols to ward out any and every kind of spirit.

"Maybe we should just bite it away..." Fiona opened her mouth and exampled biting, by chomping down on air.

"Maybe it's a curse...weve tried something for any other possiblilty" Dean said.

"We just pissed off the damn thing" Courtney said angrily.

"We might need back up, call Bobby...something. Erm...could we see the box?"

"Well...you did try, and you are gonna'...sure, it's round the back"

The boys followed the girls to a shaky shed at the back of a clearing behind the store and opened the flimsy door.

"We won't all fit in there..." Dean said aloud.

"It goes down...duh" Fiona flanked and headed down the concrete steps, each foot making a steady slap on each stone level.

Reaching the middle of the dirt covered floor, hidden under the grass that lay high above, was a large sealed box.

"What were about to show you, stays here...you don't go spreading rumours...safe?"

"Safe" the brothers responded warily.

Courtney blew the dust off the chest and unbolted the sides before bringing out a key and turning the lock, it clanged to the floor loudly.

Pulling out a smaller box made in layered leather with buckles she cautiously undid the straps and lifted the lid.

Inside lay a parchment rolled in a red ribbon bow with inscribed markings and pictograms on the inside of the box.

carefully lifting the paper, Dean unrolled the long thread and read aloud.

"This safety box hereby contains and protects the worlds most damagable secrets, lies and betrayal will cause wars but only one secret can cause fire to reign over earth. This eternal secret meant only for the reader is...what's the secret?"

"That's it" Fiona pointed at the paper.

"It doesn't have _the _secret, just says the parchment contains it"

"Well...it says it's got the secret, and that's what people believed...that we had it, what were you expecting?"

"Something of use!" Dean stood and rushed up to Courtney.

"Don't trust dentists..." Fiona shuddered "If you want to beat them, you've got to clamp your teeth and bite em' at just the right time..." She shook her head..

"The parchment says it contais the secret and it does...only we don't have the secret part yet" She timidly trailed off.

"Courtney..." Dean said frustratedly.

"What?" She spat.

Dean inhaled deeply then launched himself at her. His mouth met hers, hands roamed their bodies and jackets fell to the floor.

Sam and Fiona span around, kicking up dust. "I think i'll...erm...go an make some pancakes..." Fiona ran for the steps.

"I'll help...wait!" Sam jogged to catch up, until only the sound of heavy breathing and gentle kisses could be heard from the shed.

"Well that was as random as Mr.T in a toutou..."

Sam and Fiona stood outside the shed, arms crossed.

"I'm glad it's not just a shed right now...it would shake and ...i've already got images"

"I've got too many, don't wanna' see Dean...in that sense anyway"

They both nodded understanding.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"sure" Sam said, full attention to Fiona.

"Would you rather have...a bum on your forehead or feet on your chin?" Fiona asked straight faced, two finger flexing from her chin.

Sam burst into laughter.

"Oh..i'm glad you find it funny, i'm in a dilemma!" Fiona laughed.

A smash from the store brought them back inside to pots and pans lying and rolling around the floor.

Fiona snorted angrily. "FUCKIN' GHOST, STUPID SHIT!!!!...i'll rip your nipples off and feed them to the flea, ghost or no ghost you will feel pain one way..." She picked up half a wok. "Or another..." her voice deepened.

Part 2 coming sooon guys lol

hope you had at least a lil laugh xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

lol, i'll have it up within the week, maybe before sunday lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thanx for readin xxxxxxxxx


	2. Hide and Seek

**Hey guys, i was really sooooooooooo overwhelmed with how the reviews turned out last time lol**

**thanks to you guys...i was expecting 'your weird' or 'what the kinda crazy are ya' but i got positive hehehe**

**MANY GREAT thanks to cjay- awwwwwwwwwwww hun you didn't have to review and yet, you did and survived the crazy-ness hype, lol thanks so much hun and i hope you like this as much!**

**and to the fabulous!!!!!!!!! Courtney hun hehehhehe lol your review made me laugh and love you so much hehehehe lol**

**still im smiling thanks guys**

**hehe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**okay on with chappy two, slightly shorter...but still the random loony-ness the whole fic wil kinda have hehehhehe**

**talk about a ramble...yeesh! hehehe**

**Warning: language! and smut...a few adult images...lol**

**Disclaimer: I don't own em'...just a flea...and i lost him now too :(...wails**

**Dedicated: again to my Courtney babes hehehe...lol...marry you some Dean lol**

**hope you enjoy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx as usual dont have to review- i just ask you enjoyed the fic xxxxxxxxxxxx**

Previously...

"Would you rather have...a bum on your forehead or feet on your chin?" Fiona asked straight faced, two finger flexing from her chin.

Sam burst into laughter.

"Oh..i'm glad you find it funny, i'm in a dilemma!" Fiona laughed.

A smash from the store brought them back inside to pots and pans lying and rolling around the floor.

Fiona snorted angrily. "FUCKIN' GHOST, STUPID SHIT!!!!...i'll rip your nipples off and feed them to the flea, ghost or no ghost you will feel pain one way..." She picked up half a wok. "Or another..." her voice deepened.

NOW...

"Sam?..." Fiona asked.

"Yeah?" Lifting his head from resting on his arms, Sam frowned at Fiona, it was well past 6:00 and he was getting restless.

"How long can they put up with eachother?"

"What?"

"Well...I mean they've been at it for three and half hours mate! what are we 'sposed ta' do, eh?"

A very highly unauthoradoxed thought flitted through their heads. _Well...that would pass the time nicely..._

"How 'bout a coffee?" Fiona poured Sam a large mug when he nodded. Changing the subject, Sam started to change methods, maybe learn a little more.

"Soooo..." Sam drawled. "Have you and Courtney known each other long?"

"Are you, jus' tranna' change the subject cos' you don't wanna' think of em' having sex?" Fiona smiled at Sam's reddoning cheeks.

"I don't really want to think about it...but thanks"

"I never said i wasn't prude...I say it like it is"

A bell chimed from the doorway and cheery traveller entered. "Hey..." he smiled.

"Are you the guy Vincent sent?..." Fiona rasied her eyebrows and spoke hushed.

At the mans obviuos disstress Fiona continued.

"Good, cargo's round back. Black sack just like he ordered, try not to get bits all ova' this time...and bring me back a fresh one- we need new bodies for the burgers"

"Wh...what?" The man stammered, reaching for the door.

"Remember, cops are onto us... make he gets back to the morgue"

The man had left the diner with a 'ding' before she'd finished her sentence.

Sam scoffed, and glanced wide-eyed at Fiona.

"What?...I didn't want any customers" She blinked.

"You freaked the guy out shitless, he's gonna' go to the cops now"

"Nahhhh...got friends in high places"

"Really, a cop?"

"No...cousin, works in' radio tower...really high up"

Sam laughed, dimples staining his cheeks. "Your bad" He smiled.

"And i'm an ass...wahey! i'm a badass" She held her hands up and cheered.

"Better get started in on the donuts"

"why?" Sam asked, ready for the crazy answer he knew she'd cook up.

"Cos' I like em' and Courtney eats em' all...here" She held the dish out and they shared the donuts. "C'mon, I don't diet...i'm like a hamster, i'll eat till I DIE!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile...a lil' somethin' somethin' was going down...way down in the shed celler.

Clothes were strewn across the floor, heavy breathing still echoed around the dark room and every creature critter within a ten mile radious came out to watch the show.

Moans could be heard next, and shuffling. The rats turned their heads left at an angle and all seemed to squeek at the show.

_Rat 1- Well...how do you get a leg...that far up, we should try that_

_Rat 2- No, thats not her leg...wait..it is her leg...thats impossible_

_Rat 3- I should have brought food_

_Rat 4- Wow, this is better than the channal all the guys watch in that big mansion, with the bunny people..._

_Rat 5- Are you sure that's her leg, cos' he's...ugh...well, thats imprinted in my memory forever_

_Rat 6- You don't say...when will they stop!_

_Rat 1- How many of us are you writing about!...your making us watch this...it's torture!_

_Rats- I second that..._

Ok fine, i've had enough of Dean saying the writings wrong, and you n' all...do what you want, write your own god damn rat story...

_We will!_

_Earnie, run for your life!_

_Each rat ran outwards, paws covering their eyes._

_Don't make me face it again...NOOOOOOOO_

_One day, a long long time ago...last week, a rat named Earnie saw a sausage, this particluar sausage was just right. It had peppers and herbs and the marvelous spices-_

No, you lot are not writing about finding a sausage!...this ain't a cook-show, go where ya' like, i'm taking back over this story.

_You can't do that, were characters now, we've been created!_

I can just as easily add a few giant nuclear reacted cats that eat tanks...you'll be running for the rest of your pages!

_...Feed us and you got a deal!_

FINE...all the rats found a huge never-ending dumpster and ate like they were kings, they lived happily ever after.

Right...back on track, ooh yeah.

While the rats were checking out the scene, _And ruining my story! _ Courtney and Dean had lots...and lots of fun.

Breaking a sweat, yeah and that was an easy thing to do when your half naked and pouncing on one another.

Courtney gazed longingly into Dean's eyes, the kiss he'd just given making her literally see stars.

Dean caught the glance and returned his flirtatious wink and curved lip.

_Oh..my..god...I cant believe i'm here, with this guy!..he's amazing_

_She's totally hot stuff...wait 'til Sammy finds out about this, oh..she's looking at me, god that's a beautiful smile...let's show her a lil' of mine..._

_Wait a minute...am I hearing things...could've sworn that was Dean's voice..._

_Courtney!...what?...you heard me?_

_DEAN...your in my head!_

_Well, so are you...how is this possible...By the way this is so kinky...haha_

_I don't know...there's enough mystic mojo in here, spells and protection charms, some stuff's buried..._

_Well, how long does it last...can we hear other people...?_

_No, I think it's just in here and now...i don't know, what if were stuck like this!!_

_Then we won't have to come down here...we could go anywhere and I wouldn't have to tell you where to-_

_Yeah, Dean get the picture...should we try it...now?_

_Hell yes!_

_Erm, ok...what you just did, but longer..._

_Ok, and what your doing...just a lil' to the left..._

_GREAT!_

"Sooooo...when will they bloody give up?" Fiona asked. "I'm gettin' bored sat 'ere!"

"Watch TV or somethin'...I dunno, I'm starting to feel left out-Oh not like that, no, no. No." Sam reddoned, and cast his eyes down.

"TV or somethin', eh?" She laughed.

Switching the TV on behind the counter, a documentary of sharks came on and Fiona scoffed.

"These sharks, don't kill people on purple or for prey- they are simply curious species that define what we are by taking a small bite as humans on the surface resemble seals, which is part of a sharks-" The TV channel changed.

"Yeah, small bites eh'...trouble is a small bite for a shark...is my bloody TORSO!" Fiona pointed over her whole upper body, wide-eyed.

"Yeah..." Sam laughed and clapped a hand on the counter.

"Next shows on about ferrets...now there's an international supernatural sex icon...oooh those fluffy fuckers..." She ruffled her hair and extended her hands above her head and outward.

"Are you always like this?...Courtney too?" Sam asked, frowning.

"Yeah, 'course we are mate...were as compatible as a beard of peas" She winked.

"Right" Sam nodded.

"Well we'd have to use some kinda' syrup to make it stick...-were like you and Dean, catch my drift?"

"Oh, ok...I mean I guess we have our crazy days"

"Exactly! everyday is a crazy day" She poured herself another cup of coffee "This helps" And she took a swig. "Ahhhh"

"Maybe you shouldn't drink so much of that then" Sam reached forward for the cup she was holding, but met resistance.

"Get, your paws off my caffiene" Her eyes were glaring and voice calmly serious, if looks could kill...Sam would be rigamortoused right now -spelt that wrong!

"I'm, sorry...sorry, just...I won't touch it again" Sam stumbled as he slipped off the chair, hands held high,surrendering.

"Good, that'l do nicely" Fiona rubbed a hand over her face ans sighed. "Sorry for snapping, it's what keeps me upright through the day"

"No problem, Dean's kinda' the same. he erm...he...thinks I drink sissy coffee, latte's and frappacino's"

"Well, 'av a good stiff brew of stone pure coffee, keeps you awake for weeks if you do it right"

"Really?"

"As real as fake water" Fiona winked.

Sam frowned..._How could you?...no, it wasn't possible...water, fake?...maybe it's another joke...oh gad she's smiling again..._

"Ha ha, imagine that...calling your baby snappy, might call the brother nibble and tree face...or Melinda and darth-baby..." She rubbed her chin.

_She was talking to herself...oh god, is she serious?...I can never tell?_

"Ya' look a bit confused there pal?...like an hamster swimming in the olympics, not natural"

"ofcourse, a hamster"

"I stood on mine once...didn't die for bloody years"

"Poor thing" Came the whispered reply.

The side clock dinged seven times, and Fiona sighed with a growl. "Damn ghost's gonna start again, you coming for cover, it'll be pissed now"

"Sure, where do we go?" Sam followed her to the kitchen.

"Go where ya' bloomin' like, I'm in 'ere" She opened the lid of the horizontal industrialedised freezer and climbed in.

Sam stared, dumbfounded. "Your.." he pointed blatently.

"Hell yeah, go get your own hiding spot!" She sat on the misting ice and slammed the lid shut.

A spoon hurtled at the freezer and a muffled. "Don't just stand there, find somewhere n' hide!" came from the furntiture- are freezer's considered furniture, I mean you don't at at one, or sit on them...you can hide in them and sleep...but...then...oh nevermind.

Sam spun and scoured the area to fit his tall frame for protection, the knives were gonna' start mincing cupboards again and he didn't want to be butchered by flying kitchen objects.

Just not the Winchester style of going.

Pulling the thick oak double doors leading to another room open and swinging behind it, back against the wall, Sam covered his body with the door just as a forked prong dug itself into the furnishings.

"Phew..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The diner door bell 'dinged' as the couple entered.

"Jeez...where the hell are they?" Dean asked, hair dishelvelled and pale lip imprints around his lightly flushed face.

"I dunno'...looks like our friendly casper struck again" Courtney replied, tucking black strands of hair behind her ears and smoothing out her shirt.

Dean read the back of her dark blue layered shirt. "All media- get fucked...I like it" Dean rubbed his chin.

Courtney laughed and soun around. "They can be real dick's, won't leave people alone even when they want peace...ever wonderd what makes an angry spirt, there ya' go" She smiled sadly.

Facing the woman he'd loved, Dean couldn't help the smirk dancing on his lips. her hair was across her face and her black tight jeans were inside out.

"It's a nice look for ya'" he laughed.

"Oh yeah...well I like your look. Messy, make-up and mashed" She pointed at her kiss marks and ruffled his hair.

"mashed?"

"You look like you had a five-day bender, C'mon lets find Sam...I think you should zip up first though"

Dean's face was swallowed in red, "Dammit, that's what the old ladies laughed at...?"

Entering the kitchen, Courtney walked amoung the dishes and broken plates, burger's on the walls and coffee that spilled acros the floor.

"FUCK THE WORLD!" Courtney yelled. "You laid up, nothing-no-good, trout kissing, goat firing chost! what the hell...MY COFFEE!!!!"

Dean ran toward the screaming...or angry curses and killer threats, maybe he should stand back.

_Am I afriad now... seriously gotta' learn how to write...Me, scared?...ha!_

Well, knives are around her ans she's really mad...and she's so gonna' yellow eye's your ass if you annoy her...but sure by all means, go on in.

_Well she's a woman, I don't want to disturb the private moment-_

"DEAN"

"Yeah...?" Dean panted, slightly scared.

"No coffee, can you believe the asshole!"

"Wow, you sound like Fiona earlier...you ok?"

"No, i've got NO coffee...nothing...you HAVE to get rid of that ghost, do anything" Courtney breathed in deeply. "Gotta' fin the guys"

Dean led the way through each hall in the kitchen and came to a small corner, cupboards and a freezer were kept, he walked to the edge and glanced at the nooks and crannies. "Sam?"

He turned around and passed the freezer when he heard a rustle. Glancing back, there was no-one.

The freezer lid suddenly swung open and hit the wall, Fiona sat up like a vampire in a coffin and jumped to a standing posistion.

Dean paled and jumped back with a cry..._Aw, don't tell them...i'll be good...-_he screamed in sheer terror, I'm telling a story, but out!

_Thanks...real brave...I hate you!_

Well, the feeling's mutual...just cos' you can outscream Micheal jackson...

"God...well what you gonna' do?...help me out me testicals are about to drop off and I can't feel my face" Fiona lifted out of the freezer, a white forst glazing her upper lip and eyebrows.

"Ha ha, you look like the sensai out of killbill Fiona..." Courtney said waling up to the two.

"Wha...you...hid, in the freezer...what?" Dean scrabbled back up the wall and straightened himself out.

"Protected me didn't it?"

"Yeah but you could've died" Dean said, shocked.

"I had provisionals" Fiona smirked, crusting the ice.

"Like what?" Dean nearly yelled.

"Frozen pea's and ice...water if you taste it long enough-i'm all set"

"Where's Sam?" Dean asked, brave facade back.

"I dunno'...he ran to the kitchen...heard a door go"

Dean made his way into the kitchen again, meeting double ajoining doors he stopped and called out to his brother. "Sammy?"

A large, firm grip landed on Dean's shoulder and he shrieked forward.

Sam's hand was outstretched frm behind the heavy doors and muffled "Dean, Can you help me here?"

"Whao...Sammy, you nearly gave me another heart attack man...don't do that!" Dean pulled on the door but it was...stuck?

"Dean, there's a knife kinda' pinning it to me and the wall, I've tried pushing!"

"Hold on", Dean reached up and yancked on the knife that went all they way to the handle, through the wood."Did it get you?"

"Nope, but the clothes aren't so lucky" Sam said, and pushed against the freed gaint knife target.

Dean patted him on the back and walked back through to the kitchen, where Courtney and Fiona were giggling.

"Oh god" Dean muttered.

"Hi Dean...so...what did you two get up to?" Fiona nudged her friend.

Sam laughed and winked at Dean.

"Your becoming one of them" Dean sneered.

"Aye he is..." Fiona and Sam's high five echoed into the diner.

Courtney frowned, she was never going to live this down...

**SORRY it took so long guys, but i gotta get it up and posted quick!!! lol**

**more sooooooooooooon, lol hopefuly by sunday, again...but things happen, mums cut off connections...and well...**

**hope you enjoyed guys hehe...even crazier banter in chappy 3!!!!**

**it involves a zoo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**thanks hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx - Courtney thanks for bearing with me hehe xxxxxxxxxxxxlol**


	3. Eaten alive

**Well...i know, i know you want to flame me up and bury me alive...sorry for the wait xxxxxxx**

**i seemed to think i'd finished this story, but a crack fic shall never be over...mauahahahahaha**

**Disclaimer: I do not own their fine-ness...i do when i pass through that wardrobe and into the winter wonderland though...**

**Summary:-well its about some nutters...you can read the rest x**

**Dedication/Honour: to Courtney hun!!! Chailyn's profile- check her out shes AMAZING any fic- she's got it, what an amazing friend and chicky xxxx hope you enjoy hun x**

**any errors in grammer, spelling are al mine...i'm not smart so you cna understand where they come from, thanks x**

**thanks to all reviews so far, xxxxxxxxx no matter what feedback i get, i'm still amazed no-ones called the dudes in white coats- thanks Courtney hun**

**ok, on with chappy 3 xxxxxxxxxx**

**Eaten alive...**

Previously on 'The Last Word'

"Oh god" Dean muttered.

"Hi Dean...so...what did you two get up to?" Fiona nudged her friend.

Sam laughed and winked at Dean.

"Your becoming one of them" Dean sneered.

"Aye he is..." Fiona and Sam's high five echoed into the diner.

Courtney frowned, she was never going to live this down...

NOW...

A few hours had passed and still Courtney was blushing, thanks to their little raunchy sesssion earlier.

"I think you've still got dust in your hair...is that a 'sex' look on your face Dean???" Fiona wiggled her eyebrows.

"Aw what the hell...if ya' can't beat em', join em' they do say..." Courtney unfolded her arms and walked toward where Sam and Fiona were sitting, currently pointing and staring at Dean.

"What do ya' want? seconds??" Sam smiled, Fiona had turned him hahahahahaha muahahahahaha...er..yeah.

"No..well I wouldn't mind- NO...I was going to join you" Courtney stumbled, _damn Dean looked fiiiiine angry...whooo_

_is it hot in here???_

"Who says we want the perpretrators with us??" Fiona asked, one eye clamped shut and her pointer finger turned into a hook.

Dean frowned and jumped. "Warn a guy will ya?...that look could kill people"

"Oh it has" Courtney deadpanned.

"Can I join you...please?" Courtney said, lower lip trembling.

Fiona's eye's started to tear, "NOOOO...not the puppy look!"

"We can all bully Dean..." Sam guessed.

"Ok" the girls chirped and Courtney pulled up a chair.

Dean folded his arms and stared hard at the trio. "You can't possibly want to hurt me?..." Dean asked, eye's longing into Courtney's swirls, _man a guy could get lost in those...wouldn't I love too..._

"She can, and she will" Fiona said, suddenly she jerked up knocking Sam backwards off his stool and screamed. "I HAVE AN IDEA!"

"I'm guessing they don't come a lot" Dean smirked.

"We have a phonebook full of them!" Courtney added and smiled to her friend. "What, what is it???"

"We have to go to a themepark, all of us!"

Sam pulled himself up and thought at the idea, making Dean go on the 'big dipper' or the 100 foot rollercoasters, yeah he could do that. "I'm in" He gave a cheeky grin.

Dean looked uncomfortable, but didn't back down. "Ok"

Just then, Bloodhound gang's 'nothing but mammals' played and Fiona reached into her bra and retrieved a bannana shaped and coloured phone, but not before Courtney stood and sung along with Fiona, also doing the actions.

"You and me baby ain't nothing but mammal's so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel..." She flipped the phone.

"Hellooooooo...OOHH...yeah, she's here with me...we would love to, yeah...erm...ohohhh...that wasn't all me, well i'm sorry...yeah see you in hell too" She hung up and put the phone back in her bra. "We've got a job gents"

"Can we help?" Dean said, a little too fast for his usual hard to get routine. What was his problem?..he was really starting to fall for that Courtney chick.

"Suuuurre" Courtney drawled. "But it's at a zoo, as long as it calls on her bannana phone it's from Berty..."

"Your flea??" Dean asked.

"He's our manager, handles all the hunts and everything" Fiona smiled. "A real help"

"But...what was he mad about, sounded like you were apologizing on the phone" Courtney asked.

"Apparently someone left there cat in his room last hunt...it's stolen his motorbike and leather jacket and everything...I can't remember if it was me" Fiona scratched her head.

Courtney broke into a fit of giggles.

"YOU!" Fiona went red with anger. "RIGHT!.. no bloody coffee!" Fiona yelled, but realized the moment she'd even thought about saying it, that was a bad, bad thing to say...especially to Courtney...ooohhh shit.

With a screech Courtney leapt over the counter and dived on Fiona who screamed all the time...but didn't move??

"Im to scared to move! would you move if a freight train was on ya!"

oh...erm..sorry.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OOOOWWWW"

Courtney stood, and wiped a sleeve across her mouth. "That's better"

Fiona stood, tipping over a second later holding her face. "She bit me!" removing her hand revealed a large set of red teeth marks.

Dean and Sam both cringed. Dean thought back to their earlier session...thank god she didn't-

DEAN!...the kiddies!

Thank god he didn't make her mad...

She hobbled over to the freezer and opened the ice cube tray, pulling out her medical kit.

Dean frowned. "You keep it in the freezer?"

"Best place, especially when I get bit by angry obsessive physco people...oh and Courtney"

At Dean's reaction Courtney filled him in. "Oh she's been bit before..." She rubbed her tongue over her teeth.

"But never by a great white!...have you seen the size of my bite?, oh well. It's ok...sorry for the coffee comment, that was out of order" Fiona sheepishly smiled and outstretched her arms.

Dean grinned, he knew they were just chicks and he bet they were gonna' hug.

To his suprise, Courtney extended a hand too and they punched each other, hard, on each other's arm.

"Were good"

Starting to unwrap the medical kit, Fiona pulled out a large chocolate bar and took a bite.

"Your medicine is chocolate?..."

"Ofcourse, and it's in the freezer so no one else can find it, I feel better now" She took another bite.

"Obviously you haven't found my emergency coffee shots then..." Courtney taunted and licked her lips.

Feeling left out of he conversation, Sam offered to get the car ready and Dean paled.

"They're not driving my car!"

"No, but our car is lodged halfway into this diner...so your gonna' take us and help at the same time. What samaritons" Courtney beamed, then gave a snarky grin.

"You can take your own car!"

Fiona advertly pointed to the large spiderwebbed window, where if you tilted your head just enough... Dean saw the bright fuschia version of the general lee, from dukes of hazard, the 1969 dodge charger was in great condition, perfect FR-B body and otherwise mint condition...except for it's recent nose dive into the diner wall. Ouch.

"Who did that?" Dean asked, angrily.

"Well...you wouldn't believe us if we told you..." Fiona said shyly.

"Yeah...complete unnatural incident" Courtney agreed.

"Try me!...'cos that is just plain evil to crash a car like that...even if it is pink"

"FUSCIA" Courtney yelled, even Sam nodded at that.

"We, didn't crash it...a bear did" Fiona supplied.

"A bear?" Dean and Sam had matching looks.

"Yeah...it was a hunt in Oregon, on the way back we heard this like...bang on the roof, a huge bear came onto the windscreen and we had to like back pedal it into the back seat, it broke through and started driving, then we crashed into our diner...hey where did that bear actually go?"

"I dunno, we think it's still in the car...so i'm not driving that thing...until I KNOW it's gone..." Courtney finished. She wasn't afraid of the bear itself, but in the past a particular bear had stolen Courtney's shoes and replaced them with heels...she did not want to face that evil sick bear unless she had some pretty big boot back-up.

"It's Courtney's car...she's an awesome driver...won last years dirt track racing, that makes it six titles" Fiona beamed, she opened the freezer again and showed them her friends trophy's. "Impressive huh?...and all from last year, wait 'till I show you guy's her whole lifes work..."

Dean couldn't help the huge fifty foot smile that was plastered on his face...Courtney, was in no doubt AMAZING and the most interesting girl he'd ever met.

"So...are we gonna' get going?" Sam asked.

"Yep, let's just fix up some coffee and we'll meet you in the car..." Fiona said.

Dean grunted, but what he'd just learned about Courtney and the sudden feeling rushing over him that tingled his senses, he just walked behind Sam back to their waiting impala.

Opening the doors with a squeak they sat in unison.

"You like her" Sam stated, smiling warmly, it had been a long time since Dean had seen his brother smile like that.

"Who?" Dean asked, brows furrowing he fumbled with the keys.

"Courtney...I get it man, she's nice...i'm glad for you"

"yeah, yeah bro, believe what you want"

"I will. And that incident in the backyard...meant nothing?"

Flashed images of Courtney's sweet giggles and roaming hands brought a huge goofy smile to Dean's flushed face. "it well...not nothing..b-but..."

"yeah, end of discussion then. Just treat her right ok?"

"When have I not treated a lady right?"

"That's not what I meant...they are tough and...have a LOT of weapons and... unique ways of torture...so treat her right, don't piss her off...for the two of us. Ok?"

Dean grumbled. "Ok"

Exiting the diner the girls each carried a huge flask of coffee, and had changed into spare jeans and big baggy hoodie's, Fiona's read 'girls kick ass' whle Courtneys displayed a 'just try us' with a winking stick man.

They got in the impala with another squeaking groan.

"Where we heading?" Dean asked.

leaning forward Courtney handed Dean a map with a large red circle over Palm springs Ohio, there was an angry looking face in the corner with red marked devil horns that read. Courtney sniff's her feet like a penguin, and underneath another comment in black pen, Fiona is a but sniffing cammal.

"Ignore those...oh and don't turn over, it's a bit of a mess"

Dean spared a glance at the other side and scary pictures drawn of each of the girls followed by more evil comments and then a large bold question

'was snow white a goth?'

'yes but the dwarves were emo's'

Then a rabid looking elf with bright red eye's stared back, and Dean gulped.

"Oh, we hunted one of those...it ate only coffee granuals...but when it started stealing ours...it had to go"

Fiona gave an action of a gun exploding using her hand and making the noises as it exploded with fingers pointed toward her head.

"Ok, Ohio here we come...they won't know what hit them" He added under his breath. Dean started the car with a throaty rumble and they headed for the highway.

"wait, use the backroads...then Fiona won't try and kill the kids when other car's pass"

Turning onto the bumpy dirt roads Dean sat in for a long ride.

God help him...to drive almost two days with those things in the back of his car...oh god.

But when Courtney handed him a tape and begged him to play, pouting her bottom lip, he couldn't refuse.

Lynyrd Skynyrd's 'saturday night special' filled the car, and Dean started to smile as the girls and even his brother sang along.

Maybe the trip wouldn't be so bad after all.

Or maybe...ya know, it would be the most difficult and annoying few day's of his life...

**Chappie four will come soon...i hope**

**well, hoped that quenched your thrist for now**

**xxxx**

**the car scene- have to credit it to the AMAZING Courtney hun xxxxxxxxxx**

**she is just...wow!**

**thanks for reading xxxxxxx**

**much love xx lol**


	4. Rightahhh

**Because I've missed my crack- and this fic needs another happy chapter after the dark sad stuff I've been delving in, yay.**

**Summary: So...the zoo? A theme park? well...**

**Warning: Language, so turn away now and run! Run!**

**Disclaimer: How on earth could I own such beautiful boys...well...I own myself...and I've met them, so...I own the clothes...that touched them?...no?...Okay. I don't. (grumbles)**

Previously:

Turning onto the bumpy dirt roads Dean sat in for a long ride.

God help him...to drive almost two days with those things in the back of his car...oh god.

But when Courtney handed him a tape and begged him to play, pouting her bottom lip, he couldn't refuse.

Lynyrd Skynyrd's 'saturday night special' filled the car, and Dean started to smile as the girls and even his brother sang along.

Maybe the trip wouldn't be so bad after all.

Or maybe...ya know, it would be the most difficult and annoying few day's of his life...

NOW...

The windows were open, the chevy doing its usual growl up the tarmac and all four occupants were...complaining to say the least.

"When...why!!...can we pleeeease be there now?"

Dean flashed angry eyes into the rearview. "No, because it's still a few hours out and we just stopped..."

Courtney was fast asleep in the back, her legs sprawled over Fiona and one of her booted feet, -and Dean didn't smile at the biker boots she was wearing at all- was hanging over the seat, right next to his shoulder.

"Deeeeeeeaaaannn" Fiona whined, tapping on the back of Sam's seat annoyingly, he too was softly sleeping.

"Okay, you're really starting to annoy me..."

Fiona blinked, frowned and reached over to knock Dean on the arm. "Annoy?...well...I'll be damned, the great bleeding Winchester, annoyed at me?..ofcourse I am a, sure fire way into a mans straps" Fiona grinned, waggling her eyebrows. "Oh don't be scared- You've had Courts and she's damn sweet on ya, don't worry Dean, anyway...since when am I annoying, I think we should make this trip entertaining. Watch this"

Fiona Sat back, tugged Courtney's leg a little further over the front seat and proceeded to stick her arm out the window and her other back around her head, then covering Courtney's open mouth and clipping her nose tight all the while smiling at Dean in the rearview.

A small choking noise could be heard, it got louder and then Courtney's eyes were snapping open and her arm hit the door, her body flailed as she failed to breathe and as Fiona let go she reared up and smacked her head on the roof.

Dean couldn't hide the chuckle as she coughed with wide eyes.

"What were you DOING!?" Courtney squeaked.

Fiona grinned. "But love...you had a bee on your face. I was getting it off, oh shit, still there"

Fiona suddenly reached forward and smacked her best friend upside the head with a resound crack.

Courtney's face darkened as she lowered her head and opened her mouth in a shocked 'o'.

"You...you bitch! I WAS DREAMING ABOUT JARED LETO!" Courtney lept sidewards as Fiona's eyes widened in utter fear and she dove forward, tight arms clinging around a sleeping Sam as she screamed as loud as she could

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAM!!! STOP HER!!! NOOO...AAAAHHHH NOOOO!!"""""

"!BITCH!!!ITWASREAL!!! AAAHHH!"

Dean swore he heard the sound of a cat falling into some bins and the effective 'meow' of a viscious fight. There were slaps and bites and scratches and Fiona was still wrapped on a now terrified Sam as he jerked up and wondered just who the hell was being murdered.

Dean shook his head and stopped the car, pulling into the byways.

"FIONA!!!WHYDIDYOUDOIT!"

"NO Stop please! Sam...save me! AAGHHH...hahahahahahaha!! hahaha!!" Fiona collapsed into a fit of giggles as Courtney punched her arm.

"What?..." Courtney was trying and failing not to smile. "What's so funny?"

"Aww Courts, I love you..." Fiona grinned again. "You should've seen your face! haha!"

Courtney gave another jab, this time on Fiona's thigh and fell back laughing softly herself. "You boob! It was a ..." Courtney caught sight of Sam and Dean staring at them, at her with faces full of fear and confusion. "Nice dream, fun time. yeah" She said hurriedly.

Fiona snorted her laughter as she wiped a tear from her eye. "I was sooo going to punch you in the vagina...but you were uh...kinda' groaning already and I know our friendship is fucking close, but...I don't want to be responsible for an accidental orgasm, sorry" She shrugged and Courtney had to restrain herself from slapping her friend in the face with her feet.

But then again, getting a punch in the bejingo, hurt like no other. You didn't need a wendigo to tell you that, bony bastards.

"Thanks for not doing that"

"You're welcome!" Fiona beamed, but the brothers continued to stare.

"What?" Courtney asked, "Are we here?..."

Dean sighed. "No, now...,bahalve you two or...or, no more stopping for coffee! yeah, be good"

Dean even added a pointed finger for effect, if these two did crazy, he could do crazy.

Sam gave a sideways glance to Dean, a little scared for their sanity.

The girls hung their heads. "Okay" They chimed.

xoxoxo

When they reached the alleged crime scene it was completley trashed, the gates were dented and all the windows in the mini offices were broken, debris and broken wood was everywhere and it was all dead silent.

"What the hell happened here?" Dean asked as he and Sam pulled out their automatics and set the safety off.

The girls walked lazily to the broken gate and bent through the bars to get in. "What do you mean?" Courtney asked as they all entered the mess.

"It's always like this, in fact it's tidier than last time" Courtney said, coming to a stand still with Fiona who was looking round as if something was wrong.

"What?" Dean asked, coming to stand close.

Fiona gripped Courtney's arm, leaning close and straining to hear in the silence and then parted her lips...

And burped.

"OH FEE!" Courtney recoiled and shoved her laughing friend. "You know I was going for that! I always do it, you had to take the shot huh?"

"Sorry, you are the raining champ...I fancied a go" Fiona shrugged.

There was a loud shouting coming from the far side of the grounds and a smallish man in his fifties came running up, waving his hands and trying to be angry.

"Oh, piss..haven't they hired someone else yet?"

Courtney shook her head. "Stay quiet boys, this might be ugly." Courtney faked a smile, something she only had to do on dire emergencys and the urge to just shoot him and laugh sometimes too strong. "HEY! paul...how's it going?" She bit her teeth together as he came closer. God was he stupid.

"You ain't sposed to be here now Cathrine, I told you and she last time"

Courtney smiled tightly, this pretend thing...yeah, wasn't working out. "Yeah I know you did. Listen, have you seen anything strange?...Has Berty stopped by?"

"Now listen mrs...I told you once-"

"OHH" Courtney grunted in the back of her throat. "I know you did. I was there!" She growled. "Oh, piss off and measure your penis!"

Fiona turned in one smooth skid as he hid the laughter.

"Now lady-"  
"DON'T call me lady, I am not and have not ever acted like one..."

The security guard, flustered already looked to Fiona as he pulled her to turn around. "Hey, I told you too, you're not to come around here-"

"I don't speak twat" Fiona answered bluntly. "Have you...seen Berty? Yes or no?"

The man frowned, opening his mouth to yell again.

"Just answer the question" Courtney demanded.

"No, he hasn't been by, not for months"

Courtney frowned. "He called us...like literally today..."

"Well he hasn't been by Carol...like I said, you better leave"

Courtney bit her tongue, she wasn't _fucking _called Carol!. "Okay, thanks. Listen, if he pops by, tell him we're worried, yeah? If he rang us, he'd here and he's not, so...something's up"

"Sure thing Carl."

Courtney raised her left eyebrow, murder glowing dangerously in her eyes. "That's not even a GIRLS name!?...I have boobs, look at them....do you have a question for my boob?...It better be what's its name, cos it's not fucking Carl!"

Fiona was now stood by the Winchester's, who'd begun edging away as Courtney got madder and madder.

The guard barely noticed and stepped forward again. "Now, you gotta' leave"

Courtney didn't move.

"Lady-"

"What if Berty rings?...stops by? What are you going to do?" She said calmly.

"Now, Cind-"

"I know you weren't gonna call me Cindy! What are you going to do?" Courtney growled and Dean actually moved a hand in front of his face, thank God she was on his side.

"I don't know...but you have to leave"

Courtney coughed quietly in the back of her throat and glanced down briefly, before swinging her hand up, secretly unhatching her knife and stabbing the guard, right in the chest, tugged the knife free and pushed him back.

"I've wanted to do that for years" She sead breathlessly as she past the brothers and a cheering Fiona.

"You just...killed that guy?" Sam asked, with those gorgeous puppy eyes. Woof!

"Nah" Courtney said, calmly. "He was a zombie, bad one at that too. I've been wanting to do that ever since Fee rose him"

Dean blinked at the girls. "Why, would you raise him?" All the while keeping an eye on the twitching body.

Fiona pulled out a box under one of the desks from the broken offices just behind her and opened the lid, scooping out a handful of chocolates, she began unwrapping them and eating them, handing the rest to Courtney and dropping the box.

"It was Court's fault to start with, she shot him in the face in the first place. I just knew the spell"

Dean took Courtney's hand and looked softly into her eyes. "Why'd you shoot him hun?"

Courtney blushed. "He was an idiot then too, wrong place wrong time, I was practicing targets and he...walked right out behind the giant flashing sign of a target as I shot. Oh he's an idiot, and he already worked for Berty, so we just brought him back- the non-dark-suicidal-zombie-munching spell, not _Pet Cemetary"_

"Oh...okay" Dean blinked, looking back to the body to see it had gone and the guard was limping off, back the way he'd come.

"Oh, he'll be okay" Courtney waved him off. "Now, I think...we should find Berty, because I've got a bad feeling here"

Sam chimed in. "Did you hear him clearly when you got the call? Maybe it was a recording, a trap to get you guys somewhere"

Courtney frowned and looked to her friend. "You think he's got messed up in that damn creature business again?"

Fiona shrugged, "The last thing I heard in that love, it was a possible Wendigo...and we never touched the case, werewolves are bad enough...looked like you when you didn't shave"

Courtney scoffed. "Werewolves don't get wolf hair, it's part of the myth, nut-face" Courtney stuck her tongue out.

"Yeah, tell yourself that...fluffy" Fiona winked and puffed out her cheeks.

There was a tense silence where the brothers _did not _want to interupt the girls argument, or...conversation or whatever it was, but this Berty-flea man thing could be hurt and did they say Wendigo?

"Wendigo, you said? Is this a hunt you think Berty might've taken?"

The girls stopped their chatter and looked to Sam who was looking pretty fearful for his life for interupting but the girls gave a killer smile and answered.

"No, he would never take a hunt, but he might have gone there to sort other hunters out?" Courtney suggested.

"Who else does he manage?" Fiona said, shocked.

"Well, ya know he's got that dodgey business on guns...like that AK47 he got you for your birthday and you just _wondered _why it looked like the side of a helicopter, where do you think he got it?"

Fiona frowned. "You mean it was from what I thought? Aw sweet! That is class!" She gnashed her teeth together and licked her lips. "I feel like pancakes"

"Where was the hunt originally?" Dean asked.

"Erm...hang on...let me think" Fiona said, squinting. "Oh! It was Peston Hills, in...in" She snapped her fingers. "Pine Creek! Idaho! ah ha!"

"Brill, we've got to camp" Courtney sighed and hung her head.

"Whaoh...Courts. We've camped before and you loved it! We had that special brew and everything!"

Courtney's eyes widened. "You've still got the recipe?"

Fiona nodded with a big smile. "Yeah, you daft twat, course I 'av! And if you're good...I'll bake again"

The girls suddenly squee'ed and held hands, jumping and screaming in high pitched flailing motion.

Dean looked to his brother. "I guess we're going to Idaho" he shrugged.

"Wait!" Courtney said suddenly, arms reaching out to wrap around Dean.

"I'm....driving!" Courtney screeched as she snagged his keys and Fiona, already dragging Sam ran in the direction of the car.

Dean's eyes widened in terror, "NOOOO...HEY! SAM! STOP HER! WAIT!!"

**Well...it's not as 'out there' as previous chapters and goldfish on ceilings but it's a bit mental mashed. Next chapter up, in the next two days, because I feel crack-ish! x**

**Yay**


	5. Durex

**Oh yeah...this is it. The next failed chapter of a break in sanity.**

**Try thinking outside the triangle.**

**Summary: So...the wendigo? Did it ever hear of at least a loin cloth? Werewolves and Tarzan figured fine.**

**Warning: I like to swear...and So does Courtney ;)**

**Disclaimer: Yes, you can clearly see what little state of 'sane' I have left, ya really think they let crazies own things...big things?..nope.**

The girls were asleep, thank _God, _or whatever it was who managed to give them a few hours peace.

Oh yeah, it was Sam. Sleeping pills in the coffee had worked out great and now not only were these girls going to be rested, as soon as they woke up they'd be high energy kill machines and...hey wait? Why was it a good idea again?

"She'll kill you, ya know?...and her friend will...bite you or something"

Sam scoffed, turning playful eyes to his brother. "She wouldn't hurt me. She says I'm cute, she said. 'Nothing bad happens to beaut boys'" Sam grinned.

"Beaut?"

Sam shrugged. "I think it's english"

Dean frowned, his foot heavy on the accelerator.

"Oh but Dean, Courtney? As soon as she discovers what you've done, you won't ...function anymore"

Dean gawked. "No...I didn't, it was your idea!"

Sam chuckled. "Actually, you said it first-I was just brave enough. But there's one thing you don't have on me...so I can win this"

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" Dean laughed.

Sam waited a moment, smiling. "I've got the puppy look down" He beamed. "You've got the masochistic look, flowing"

Dean frowned, his lips curling up. "You know, one day you won't have that puppy look, you'll have an angry terrier look"

Sam laughed and turn up the radio, the girls had messed with it earlier and now all it played was Adam Lambert, which Dean had growled about but denied singing the lyrics to 'for your entertainment' later on.

"So...Courtney" Sam muttered. "How do you...what do you think of her?"

Dean sent wide unblinking eyes in Sam's direction.

"Don't talk about that here. She's like...asleep right behind me"

Sam's eyebrows knitted. "So?"

"Dude- she could have like...cameras in the roof or voice recording, she might not even be _asleep_, stop talking about her"

"Why, is there something you _don't_ want her to know?...Dean?"

"Just shut up. Okay? I like my...area...to stay intact. She's amazing, okay?...but shhh...she could be listening"

Sam looked nervously over his shoulder and the girls were sprawled over eachother, legs and arms joined in a wild array, with their mouths open, breathing loudly, _clearly_ asleep.

"So...you think you might hook up with her?"

"Sam! Hut-say in the hush-nay!"

Okay. point taken. They _could_ be listening.

"So you _really _like her? That's good Dean. Means we might get to live a while before we end up leaving"

Dean paused, his eyes never straying from the road. "Yeah...ugh...about that, we might be taking them with us..."

Sam checked over his shoulder again, a hesitant look showed them still both asleep, but then again, who could tell? "Okay...yeah. Hush-nay"

Dean nodded and rocked the chevy changing gear.

xoxox

"Yo! Courts...I have some juicy gossip"

Courtney flailed, pulling her starbucks coffee from the table and dashing over.

"What?...is it the demons? do we have a lead on them?"

Fiona pursed her lips. "For the last time, the invisible ninja's hiding in the bananas are not in your hair, and there is not secret FBI lettuce infused with truth serum...No! I've got some scoop on you lady!"

"Me! look...I didn't know it was yours and I'm sorry-...wait...what _is _this about?"

"Dean- he likes you...he really likes you...lalalalaaa la yeah yeah he likes you!" Fiona then decided to sing loudly in Courtney's face.

"So- I knew that jerkface, when we kinda...ya know...had the 'moment' together back in the shed...duh!"

Fiona pouted and glared, narrowing her eyes as Courtney looked away, she knew that face scared her.

"Yeah- he likes you so much, I heard them talking about taking us on the hunt _with _them. Permanent hottness...so duh!"

Courtney blinked.

And then permitted loud flailing screams that peirced the very sound barrier.

xoxox

"Did you hear something?"

The man frowned, there was nothing for three miles and his farmhouse sat in the middle of his fields.

"No...why?..."

A high pitched wailing spread through the air and knocked them off the porch.

"AGGGGHHHH!"

xoxox

"Eh, Courtney love, have you seen my socks?"

Courtney pulled a face. "No, did you bring any?"

Fiona nodded. "Yeah, they were in your bag! Have you seen em?"

"No"

"Courts, don't lie...swear to me you haven't seen em..."

"I haven't fucking seen them Fi, okay?...I might've burnt them...it discourages the smell of human so the wendigo won't even come near us" She winked.

"oh." Fiona gave Courtney a look, like she'd kill her or hug her, she wasn't sure. "Nice one" She grinned.

The boys were unpacking the car, stuffed in a side road and hidden under a thick canopy of trees, if it wasn't for the trail off to the left, nobody would even know the car was there.

"Yo, Sam...remember to bring the back up flares, and...do they have guns?" Dean turned in time to see Courtney pull out a sheath, and a bullet belt as she loaded her shotgun, and Fiona clipped a flare gun with sights to her hip.

"Okay...I guess they do"

Weapons and supplies loaded, Dean grabbed the last minute tent and locked the chevy, meeting up with the girls and giving a questioning glance to their arsenal.

"Shotgun?"

Courtney beamed. "It's full of flammable powder, I shoot once and anytime you guys hits it, whooossh...toasty wendigo bones"

Dean smiled. "Good idea, have you faced a wendigo before? I know you hunt but...I don't know what you've hunted..."

Courtney waved him off and started up the trail. "Yeah, well...this'll be a good adventure, Fi needs some target practice anyway" She laughed.

Fiona raced up behind her friend. "You say that again, I just might sleep naked on you, yeah! Deal with that!"

Courtney pulled a face. "Whore!"

"Boob!"

"Girls!" Sam said, hands showing no harm. "Can we not attract it's attention?" He winced at the hurt looks they both pulled and kept them inbetween themselves as they walked the trail, the last time they'd faced one of these things it hadn't minded taking Dean in the daytime.

"See, shivilry so isn't dead" Courtney said quietly.

The foursome followed the trail, leading it under dips and arcs in the cave walls and back up as the slope steepened a little, then back onto flat land, the sky coming in through the trees became a darker blue and as Dean reached the first spot where the first hiker was found...mauled, it was dead silent.

"Whoah, where'd the wildlife go?" Fiona asked, eyes darting around.

"We're over its territory now, if it's here, it'll find us...c'mon lets set up"

Sam started drawing the protective symbols around them, clear and precise in the dirt as Dean did the other side and the girls set up camp.

Both tents were easy to prop up, even if they looked like they'd fall at any minute, Courtney assured them it would _not_, if no-one moved them.

Finishing the last curve of the symbol Dean sniffed and frowned, the familiar smell climbing his nostrils and he whirled on the girls...cooking...bacon.

"Where'd you even get that?" Dean asked, mouth watering and wildly blinking at the array of pots and pans above the _fire _they'd suddenly concocted.

"Courtney" Fiona smiled, stirring some kind of spicy sauce in a pan. "She's the queen of camping! My god, we even have beer"

Dean's mouth quirked, "Don't mind if I do" Courtney handed him a bread bun out of nowhere and Fiona slipped in the bacon as he took a bite.

"Can't hunt without any dinner...besides, old stretch bite-strong will smell it and come quicker"

Sam was handed a paper plate and took different foods from each of the pans.

"Are you two like...survival champs?" Sam asked.

Courtney and Fiona looked at eachother. "No, we just like food" They said innocently.

Fiona pulled out some cheesecake and started chewing on the large round edge.

"mmm...'oh..G'd...eeeesse!" She groaned.

"Are we not sharing?" Courtney asked, staring at Fiona with dark eyes.

Spitting a crumb from her lip and obeying, the cheesecake was handed over ans Courtney finally smiled, taking off a piece and promptly shoving her hands in her hoodie pocket.

"Oh God, that was good" Courtney grinned, looked to Fiona and the girls both blushed as they looked at both Winchesters.

"We fancy some sex"

The woods fell silent, the Wendigo stalking the area abruptly stopped, its eyes widening.

It gulped.

**Well! That's the next sort bit...all the fics are getting looked at :) Hope you like the random updates!**


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